29/06/2021
HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR SOULMATE: PAY ATTENTION TO RED FLAGS.
Many a people, when they fall in love, do not open their eyes to all the red flags in their relationship. Common sense usually does not apply and when their attention is brought to the red flags by parents and well-wishers they ignorantly insist it is all about love. Do not give in to such infatuations. Infatuation is a state of mind in which the intellectual powers are weakened, either generally, or in regard to particular objects, so that the person affected acts without his usual judgment and contrary to the dictates of reason. Open your eyes to red flags lest you fall into trouble in your marriage
When they are inconsistent in actions and speeches. In your conversations with your partner, in the build up to sealing your relationship, check whether or not your partner is consistent with their actions and speeches. If the inconsistencies are too many, do not hasten into such marriages as they may be lies. If possible, talk it over with your partner. A story is told of a man who fell in love with a beautiful young looking woman who worked as a court clerk. Though the woman was two years older than the man but that was not a problem to the man at all. All was set for their union as married couple. Then one day as they were engaged in conversation, they shared memories of their elementary school days. The lady completed her elementary education in 1993 where as the man completed in 1999, some six clear years’ intervals. They all started school when they were six years. The man did the maths and the lady’s age as she told the man did not add up. It appeared the woman was at least eight older than him. The man was perturbed by the age difference but was concerned about the lies the lady had told him and could not tell whether there were some secrets she had held from him and that was the end of their relationship.
When they seem not care about your emotions, especially when they offend you. Such people tend to blame you for being petty.
When they are abusive in any form, whether verbal abuse or physical assaults
When there seem to be virtually no agreement between you. The prophet Amos asks “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do?” (Amos 3:3; NIV)
When they do not exhibit maturity and independence in thoughts. Marriage is designed for grownups not children. Don’t marry a baby!
When the age difference is too wide. This may rob children of the presence and influence of a parent. The aged parent may die early robbing the children of the love and affection of the parent. The wellbeing of the children, growing up, may have to compete with health of the aged the parent.
If you are a religious person, you should be mindful of the religious level of your partner. If your partner does not show interest in religious matters, do not overlook it.
Consider this quote from a renowned Christian writer, she writes “Let those who are contemplating marriage weigh every sentiment and watch every development of character in the one with whom they think to unite their life destiny. Let every step toward a marriage alliance be characterized by modesty, simplicity, sincerity and an earnest purpose to please and honour God. Marriage affects the afterlife both in this world and the world to come. A sincere Christian will not make plans that God cannot approve” (MH 359.9).
You must have waited on the Lord so many years for a life partner but that does not mean you should hasten to enter into marriage without recourse to the dangers that are glaring in your face. In the next episode, we will look at whom you can marry. Send in your comments and topics you’d want us discuss. Stay blessed.
