13/09/2025
Who am I?
My body aches, my soul collapses bit by bit parts of my bones begin to break. They are frail and worn. I am young but I feel so old. So lifeless, like parts of me have died.
And then there’s this thirst. My throat so parched but nothing will quench it.
I take my hands to the bathroom and wash them but they are bloodied nothing seems to stop the stain. The stain of these hands and the stain of my life.
Until the desperation brings me to a place unexpected and beautiful.
Though not a physical place but a place of spiritual encounter.
His name is Jesus they say. He will take all my sins away. Wipe my tears from my eyes and caress my brow.
I look at Him and He looks at me “spotless” He says. Then we pause. I am confused. He starts again “spotless I say.” Then proceeds with more words “blameless” “pure” “clean”.
I am even more confused now how can these words ever describe me? Yet somehow I believe He is serious. Very serious about what He says. He means it and my heart feels.. well not so empty.
I run my hands under the water and they are clean. “Cleansed” he tells me. “You are cleansed”.
How can this be so? Doesn’t He know the stain, the shame upon my life? Then He shows me His hands. Bloodied with scars , holes deep enough to touch. For a moment I am brought back.
The whipping, screaming, mourning crying, my beloved there he is. And there I am though not physically there I am mocking him, laughing , in the crowd at His pain, His torture yelling crucify Him, crucify Him.”
But He turns at me with tears and says “Father forgive her. Father forgive him. She, he , they know not what they do.” Then I see him breathe his last breath and everything goes silent. Everything dark.
But here He is with me now, healing me, cleansing me, seeing me.
How? “I did this for you” He says and now I know He means it, really means, truly, to the end.
He takes my hand upon His and holds it “beloved , he says you’re my beloved that’s who you are worth dying for.”
